Step Show was yesterday at U of A and Pi Phi finished 2nd to Zeta. I have been homesick for college all day and thought I would share one of the many (social) reasons I would love to go back! The video below is from the year Pi Phi placed 1st! It was so exciting and began and long standing rivalry with Zeta! Go Angels!
My mom went to stay with my aunt in Sheridan for a couple of days to give my dad a break. One of the main reasons my mom doesn't like to leave home anymore is because she can't always take her dachshund, Toby. Well, my aunt quickly realized a solution - to tell her their dachshund, Sadie, is Toby and that he has just gained a little weight. It works like a charm as you can see in the picture! Mom is happy as a clam with her "Toby."
Cash is also a real treat for my mom! Her great nieces and nephews are probably going to be the closest thing to grandchildren that she is able to experience and my aunt is always more than happy to share them with her! Cash is snuggled up with my mom in the pictures below.
This is how Luke came to the door when I told him it was time to leave to go to the park. Yes, that is a Spider Man electric toothbrush in one pocket and a glow stic in the other pocket of his jeans. Highly appropriate for a morning at the park, don't you think?
I think this picture is so cute! Reid was reading his favorite kid's book to Luke and Em when we kept them one night a few weeks ago. They were pretty happy to be rocking and Reid just like the excuse to read the book.
I thought I would give a little update about Reid's exciting job news...he will be staffed on a case in Dallas between now and Jan 1! We are so excited to be living together that we have even tossed around the idea of getting a king size bed! Our reasons for needing and wanting one will be left for another post, but I am sure any of my friends would agree with Reid that I am not a kind sleeper. ;)
Today I was at the library with Luke, Emerson, and their Nana (Ginny). It is a children's library called Bookmarks in Northpark Mall here in Dallas and is a really cute place to take the kids. Luke loves the computer that he can't mess up and picking out books and a DVD every week or two. It is a really great place!
Well, as we were rounding up the troops I noticed a book, actually a children's book, titled Barack Obama! It was displayed nicely next to some 100 page text book about John McCain's military service that looked totally kid unfriendly (the library does not yet have the children's book recently written by McCain's daughter). I picked up the Barack Obama book and began to flip through, enraged that now people are reading to their children about a man who really has no historical significance in our nation to date, besides being the first African America to run for President. So, with moral support of Ginny, I decided to check out the book with two objectives in mind: 1) to play a little joke on my very conservative boss and leave it next to his bed for nighttime reading, and 2) to take the book so no one else would see it before the election (checkout time for books is exactly 3 weeks).
I know it is only one book in one library, but I still feel liberated.
I might have already scared many of you away with the last post. I have always erred on the side of being too open. Maybe you see it as a fault when reading my blog; I see it as a strength. How will I ever know if what I am learning and sharing about God is impacting other's in His name if I don't share and give people the opportunity to reflect (whether you comment or not)? I won't if I don't share openly and honestly - to let it all pour out - the ugly and the beautiful.
I am in a valley. What I would venture to call the deepest valley of my Walk with God. It isn't easy. Some days are proving to be better than others, but that doesn't mean my time won't still be rich.
So, if you have a comment, it was not fair of me to "revoke" your privileges in leaving it. I will deal if you tell me, yet again, why God hasn't healed my mom, and I would love to know your take on grief. Grief at any stage, over any loss, in any season of your life. I am understanding it is never easy. Thank you for your support. Even being able to see the cities you are reading from is a huge encouragement to keep sharing.
It is amazing what denial can do to a person. My mom was diagnosed five years ago this past Spring and I have held every ounce of grief inside since the day she was diagnosed. The exception is a "good" cry I might have every other month or so, but nothing significant. I have dealt with my emotions in true Bain fashion - make a joke, put on a smile, tell just enough to get by without bringing tears to the surface. This has proven not healthy after several doctors visits because of numb hands, heart palpitations, migraines - all factors of increased emotional stress and anxiety. Last Friday, however, something inside me changed. I cried, and have cried everyday since (almost a week). Not in a "hitting rock-bottom" kind of way, but a healthy, pained by realization way that made my neck loosen a bit. I also had my second visit with Cynthia, my counselor, this week. It was so refreshing to have someone facilitate the conversation and help me articulate the feelings I have kept bottled up for these five years.
*(Please excuse the William Faulkner style writing)
The biggest revelation I have had in counseling is that I am angry and have not yet grieved the loss of my mother. I am angry that my mom is suffering; angry that such a wonderful mother is sick being taken away when there are terrible mothers who are not sick; angry that my mom will not see me raise my children; angry that I can't remember how she used to smell. I am so angry that she doesn't always remember who I am; angry that the world is an imperfect place; angry that five years has gone by so quickly; angry that she will not get to make my children clothes like she did for me and Eleanor; angry she gets scared of dying; I am angry that she wants to die. I am angry that the medicine doesn't seem to help; angry that there aren't any research trials she can try; angry that she might not see my brother and sister choose a spouse one day; angry that she doesn't remember my wedding day; angry that none of her friends know how to act toward her; angry that my dad is loosing his wife; angry that my brother; sister and I are so young to have a dying parent; angry that my mom is dying at only 56; angry that Alzheimer's is hereditary is some instances; I'm angry that, though it is within God's power, he hasn't healed my mom.
I am working through this last statement with a book called Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. If you are reading this post, I understand you may have an answer as to why God has not healed my mom. I, too, know this answer and will scream if I hear it again! I still love God, but God and I are working through some things right now. Please let us do that.
How exciting is this? Our friends Sarah and Steve were married last summer in Cincinnati (it was one of the many weddings we attended). Sarah is featured on Theknot.com in a video called "Wedding Style: Shopping with a real bride, Sarah." She was with her mother-in-law in NYC and was desperate to find a dress because the wedding was quickly approaching. It is a funny story that Sarah tells because she said Steve's mom was mortified Sarah bought a dress without her mom there (Sarah's mom had a prior commitment and couldn't make it out that weekend). Sarah is precious and the video is a great memory for her to have!
click this link and Sarah's video is the 5th on the webpage.
I don't have much to say after tonight's debate. I really don't think anything, and I do mean anything, new was said as far as the candidates politics go. Oh well, less than a month until the elections and from an earthly perspective it looks like America is going down the crapper. My dad has much harsher words when we talk. McCain used the line, "My friends," during the debate tonight and when it was over my dad called and said, "Well, McCain might as well have just said, 'So long, my friends.' " I am really glad I can rest assured knowing that God already knows who is going to win.
My mom and sister had a special day together recently. Some things were said and done that have made me continually call to mind the lyrics of the song "In Christ Alone." I have agreed not to share the conversation that took place between my mom and sister, for the sake of keeping some things special and private for just our family. I will, however, tell you that my mom is talking more and more about God, Heaven, and being at peace with Him "taking" her. I want to clarify something. My mom is tired, she says she is tired. She knows she is saved, and for her there is no fear in death. All of this to say, no, I don't think she is going to die soon. I think when you are losing your mind, sometimes you come to terms with dying before you ever near that final stage. I find it amazing that the most anger my mom has ever shown about her disease is asking why it had to happen to us. Questioning is normal. I find myself much more angry and I am not even the one stuck with a decaying mind. Anyway, to give you an idea of her strength and the peace that the Lord has left in her soul I have chosen these words by Stuart Townend and Keith Getty:
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
*to hear the song above you will need to pause the playlist at the lower right side of my blog.
I really don't have much to say about this video. I saw it on Fox News and almost fell out of my chair. I am hoping someone is just messing around, but the video was made in Venice, CA and I know from personal experience that crazy crap goes down in those parts. Judging from this video, if Obama wins then we will could be hearing children sing this song for the next four years. Yikes, it doesn't even sound American to me!