Sunday, July 15, 2012


We made it through another month of "dates." I wish I could say those days get easier but they just don't. I told Reid that sometimes I wish I could re-live the whole experience just to get to have time with our girls again.

As we get closer and closer to bringing Olivia home the reality of our loss has really set in. The past few days have made me wonder, if all of our babies had survived, who would me coming home first? Would they come home just days apart or weeks? Would they all have been laid back like Olivia? (probably not :) )

Last week, on July 11, three months after we found out Mary Grace wouldn't make it, I went and visited our girls' grave. I hadn't been since the week before Mother's Day and had been thinking about the three of them quite a bit. The last arrangement we need to make is to finalize the stone that will sit above their grave. We've put it off for months now. It seems like that decision makes everything so final and real. I would give anything for that part of our story to not be real.

When I got back in my car to drive home, the song 10,000 Reasons was playing on the radio (I don't think it was coincidence at all). I've heard the song a million times before but these lines gave me chill bumps all over.

The sun comes up, 
it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul 
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for Olivia. The hand of the Lord has truly been upon her over the last three months. I was talking with another NICU mom at the hospital whose son was born at 23 weeks (Olivia, Madelyn and Mary Grace were 23w4d). The mom told me that her son is 33 weeks and is still on the ventilator because he keeps getting infections. My heart broke. The only 23 weeker I've ever met is my daughter. She's all I know and, to me, her progressing from CPAP to a nasal cannula, all before 33 weeks, was normal. I realized there was a different scenario being played out for another baby right down the hall from mine. It made me so grateful that we've come so far. Will you join me in praying for the 23 weeker who is still on the vent? I don't know his name, but God does and I know, now more than ever, He hears our prayers.


Linds said...

seeing their markers made me tear up. I so wish that you didn't have to walk this path. I can't wait to meet them in Heaven! Love you sweet friend, and am praying for you and Reid!

vermonter said...

I can not wait for the post of when you bring home your little angel Olivia, she is so so precious. Keep smothering her with your kisses, they never have to many.

Elle's mommy said...

I will pray and pray for that sweet baby and his family. I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girls. How absolutely heart-wrenching. I will be praying for your beautiful Olivia, that health and strength will cover her tiny body. I will pray for peace and strength for you and your family during this time of such mixed emotions! I am so sorry, sweet mama...

Elle's mommy

Shana Alexander said...

I am a friend of Joye's. I lost my baby girl Evie in September of last year. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I am so glad Olivia is doing so well. I know that doesn't make losing Madelyn, Catherine and Mary Grace any easier. I am so thankful you have such a wonderful support group and such a strong faith. Those two things are what has gotten me through and I know they will you also!

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